I'm doing my overtime shift now, but unfortunately we are off the road at the moment, my ginger-bearded crewmate (not my normal crewmate) managed to reset the computer we have in the ambulance - this has caused an intense whining sound from the speakers, and more disturbingly a smell of electrical burning.

"We'd like to return to base please", we asked Control over the radio, "we can smell burnng".

"Are you sure it's safe", they replied.

"I hope so, we'll find out on the way", was my crewmates reply.

As of yet it hasn't burst into flames - but we parked it in the middle of the yard so that if it did decide to self-immolate it wouldn't damage the station building and it's very important tea-making facilities.

So now we are trying to find a spare motor, as the only other motor on station at the moment doesn't have any internal lights - which considering we are working at night - would make the shift "interesting" at least.

We have only done two jobs so far, and need an ambulance so we can go get some kebabs for our midnight snack, that and how can I torture drunks if I'm stuck on station?

I've gone back over the last month and have answered any questions that were put in the comments of postings. Remember, you can always get a quick answer off me if you email me. From some of the search terms that bring people here, I'd be more than happy to dispense my wisdom on those as well (If I know what I'm talking about).

I spoke to a copper from Limehouse today - they still haven't found the transit van with the Phosgene, that coupled with the 'attack' on the House of Commons yesterday seem to be reminding the Emergency (and 'essential') services that there is always the risk of trouble. Yet there hasn't been any information from the media, is this the "secrecy" that the Panorama programme was talking about?

If you want to know what is happening in Manchester with the Fire Service, you could do worse than to look here. Basically the FBU were made promises that have yet to be fulfilled.

Now time to relax and enjoy the fictional 24.

So damn tired...

I'm currently at that point where I wonder whether I am hungry enough to cook dinner before I go to sleep. Which biological urge will win out?

Today, our control wanted us to go to an emergency call when we were the other side of the Thames - I rather politely asked them if we were the nearest motor as we weren't actually a boat, the reply was, "Yes, do you have your water wings?". So we ended up going a couple of miles out of our way to cross the river.

The call was a faint, probably from the heat that is roasting London at the moment - at least the women are wearing revealing clothes, which makes our job of cruising through the street a bit more enjoyable.

Picked up two psychiatric drug-using patients in a row who were drunk and laying in the road perhaps 500 yards away from each other. Some children were poking the last one with a stick...

Then there was the 51 year old 4' 4" Asian grandmother who, upon seeing her husbands car being stolen jumped on the back and hung onto the rear windscreen wiper. She was flung off and thankfully not seriously hurt, mainly bruising and gravel rash. Unfortunately the car that was stolen including her house keys and bank books. The A&E was so busy they had to put her out in the waiting room - something that annoyed me no end, especially as the nurse that did it had already annoyed me by suggesting that I didn't know what the symptoms of Bulimia were.

Now to eat/sleep - then lather/rinse/repeat tomorrow.

A van carrying Phosgene and Methyl Bromide was stolen today from Bow.

Phosgene, for those of you who don't know, is a poisonous gas which was used in the trenches of World War I - hideously fatal to humans. Methyl Bromide is an insecticide - and is not much fun to be around either. Why was a van carrying, for want of a better term, chemical weapons left unguarded? Was it stolen to order? Why hasn't the government mentioned this - why isn't it on every news programme in the country?
This is the secret knowledge of the ambulance service...Does it make you sleep soundly in your bed knowing that this stuff happens and you never know about it?

If you smell a mossy/cut grass smell then go upwind and await the emergency services in their "noddy suits".

One of the bizarre things about the Ambulance Service is that, in the eyes of the government, we are an "essential" service but not an "emergency" service. We are "essential" because the emergency services (Police, Fire Brigade, Coastguard) are run by the Home office - Ambulance services across the country are run by NHS trusts, and as such do not have access to the same resources as the true "emergency" services. The distinction is often slight, but can sometimes have quite important considerations for our safety.

Last night was a case in point - we were called to a patient with abdominal pain, however further information was given that the patient could be violent. There was something in this information that triggered my "spider-sense", so I was happy to wait for police assistance to arrive before approaching the house.
Four police turned up, normally only two are sent to assist us - and they told us that their computer system, and their personal experience with the householder showed him as a nasty piece of work. We followed the police to the patient and they told him that they were going to search him, and that they wanted to put him in handcuffs first. The patient had obviously been involved with the police before, as once he was handcuffed they checked to see if he had any new warrants out for his arrest...

Searching him they found a large stick, and a rather worrying looking (5") knife on his person.

All through this the "lady" of the house was shouting abuse, mainly at the patient, but occasionally at the police officers present. One quick examination later showed nothing life-threatening, so we offered a trip to hospital that the patient accepted. However as we left the house the woman shouted a few final obscenities at the patient and he told us he couldn't be bothered to go to hospital and stalked off into the night. (This was not a problem for either my crewmate or myself).

Police computers had information that he was dangerous (a number of rather vicious assaults) but our computers aren't allowed to have such data. A police dispatcher has told us that they have all sorts of information on addresses, from animal liberation protesters to members of Parliament. Again our computers don't have any information of that sort unless we enter it manually after an ambulance crew has been threatened/assaulted.

Needless to say, one such report has been sent to central office.

Tonight was exceptionally foggy, and while we were kept busy, the only job of any real note was when we stumbled across an RTA, where the driver had swerved into a fence at approx 40mph. He was rummaging in the wreckage when we found him, and refused to be assessed. The last we saw was him rapidly disappearing over the horizon. The police were not amused - but (surprisingly for our area) it looks like the car actually belongs to him. So now he'll be summoned for leaving the scene of an accident, as well as any other driving offences the police decide to throw at him.

No sooner do I hope for a quiet hour or two than the activation phone goes; it's sending us 200 yards up the road to a "Collapsed Male". We are met by two police officers who tell us that the patient was walking along the street, saw the policemen and then collapsed.
We get to the patient and can't smell any alcohol on him, but he is coughing and spluttering like an Oscar winner. He complains of a headache, coughing, leg pain, back pain and an inability to walk. Other than that he is refusing to talk to us. Examination is normal and the patient is obviously play-acting.
He then does one of the things that I really hate (given the prevalance of TB in Newham); he coughs all over us and the vehicle without putting his hand over his mouth. Then he starts to spit on the floor of the ambulance, again something I take a dim view of - but I'm driving so I leave it to my crewmate to sort out.
Forty seconds later and we pull up outside the hospital, and our patient decides to roll around the floor - by now both our patience is wearing thin, so we haul him up and throw him in a wheelchair.
In the hospital he refuses to speak to the nurses, says he cannot stand and doesn't acknowledge any requests.

We leave him there and within thirty seconds are back on station.

While at the hospital I induldged in a little bit of teaching - the nurse who was assessing our patient was trying to check his pupil response (by shining a light in each eye and making sure that it reacts to light) but the eyes don't appear to be reacting. I then suggest turning off the ceiliing light that the patient is laying on his back staring at.

For some reason I don't seem to have much patience tonight, it started with the drunk panic attack and has continued to get worse over the course of the night. A friend of mine would suggest that I am having a "sense of humour failure"; could it be that everyone else is drinking and having a good time tonight while I'm working? Normally I enjoy Friday night shifts, but tonight I'm just grumpy - I'm attending on Sunday, so I better get over it quickly.

I went to occupational health today - it seem that the last time they checked my blood (because of being on PEP) my liver enzymes were a bit elevated. Most significantly my Gamma GT was at 164 (it should be between 0-55). PEP is well known as having effects on the liver, so this isn't completely unexpected.
More blood was taken today to check that the enzymes have returned to normal. The nurse was very concerned that I was alright in having my blood drawn, and that I wouldn't faint. She was asking me this while I'm sitting opposite her in full uniform...
The nurse was also a bit surprised that I'd had the aural hallucinations and looked as me as if she thought I was turning schizophrenic - I assured her that the "voices" were now leaving me alone and that it wasn't a problem. She'd never heard of this symptom before, so at least I entertained someone today.

Coming back from the occupational health department we got a call to a man collapsed in the street - that's right, laying in the rain at 13:00 was someone who was completely drunk. He refused to give us any details, to go with us to hospital or even for us to run him home. I'm not moaning because it gave me a chance to get a saveloy and chips.

Four hours of the shift left to go. Then two days off, after seven days working, this will be bliss.