When you apply for a job as ambulance personnel for the LAS, one of the things that they look for is that you are a competent driver. Therefore as part of the interview process they throw you into the most run-down, barely working 14 seater lump of crap they can find, and tell you to drive around Earls Court. For those not from London, Earls Court is a congested area with fairly small streets, constant roadworks and the sort of people who think it is amusing to leap out in front of a scared looking interviewees on their driving assessment.
Before you see a vehicle you are given a piece of paper that tells you what the assessor is looking for, the crossing over of hands when steering is a big no-no, as is over- confidence - along with under-confidence, speeding, going too slow, incorrect use of gears, incorrect use of signaling and a myriad of other things you haven't worried about since you passed your driving test as a teenager.
When I first went for my driving assessment I noticed the 'overconfidence' bit, so I thought I'd be sure not to come across as too aggressive a driver - so I was a model gentleman, I let people out of side turnings, allowed pedestrians to cross in front of me and didn't hassle people who were driving too slow.
I failed my assessment for being under-confident. 'Come back in three months' I was told.

Three months later and I was determined not to make the same mistake (an additional three months stuck in A&E nursing will make you ever so slightly determined). So I got into the worst piece of crap in the fleet, and off we went. Leaving the yard I hit a kerb, about 200 yards down the road I did the same thing. 'Turn around and go back' I was told - so I slunk back to the yard and vowed to do better in another three months.

Three months later, and I thought - Sod it! Lets drive how I normally drive. So I crossed my hands turning the wheel, sped up to stop signals, refused to let anyone out of a side road and drove as if I were driving my 1.0L Ford Fiesta.
And I passed. Needless to say I was more than happy, and fairly skipped out of the yard that morning.

Of course this double failure didn't help my confidence when it came to the driving part of my training course.

I'm not a big fan of children, they are small, noisy, badly behaved and get under my feet.

Which is why I am ecstatic about having a late shift where I dealt with nothing but children. Children who were 'foaming at the mouth'. or had 'serious head injury following football game' and even the old favourite 'high temperature'. We even had a 'car vs child' accident - the car had run over the 11 year olds foot. With no serious injury, the child now promised not to run across the road again.
We had one job that could have been serious, a 6 year old boy had had an epileptic fit at the top of the Mosque stairs and fallen down all 20 of them. The boys uncle had then carried him home, where he had another fit and we were called. Due to the fall I decided to immobilise his cervical spine (you know the bit on the telly where the patient is trussed up on a board with a collar around their neck? That is cervical spine immobilisation) - I doubted the child had a broken neck, but you can never be too sure. Normally six year olds are a nightmare to immobilise, they scream, cry and wriggle - you are often better just trying to lay them flat because a determined 6 year old will tear off collars and head blocks rather easily. Luckily for us, the child was still drowsy from the epileptic fit, and so didn't complain as we strapped him down. An uneventful transport to hospital, and within the hour he was sitting up on his trolley waving at us as we brought in yet another child.

I'm tired now, and am going to bed - stay tuned for tomorrow (erm...actually later today) I bring you the first in the series "Driving For The LAS For Dummies".