I can't stand Christmas, thankfully none of my (very small) family can stand it either. For me it's an excuse to visit my mum and eat her food.
Which is lovely.
Anyway for the eighth year running I'm working over Christmas, which isn't a problem as it means I get paid more (Of course I'm only working it so that one of my "married with children" colleagues can celebrate Christmas at home...*cough*). This act of kindness means that our "Christmas dinner/exchange presents/get pissed" will be happening on Christmas eve.

Better buy mum some presents today

I'm sitting here single on station (you need two people to man an ambulance, and if you haven't got anyone to work with you are "single" and therefore unable to work, but you need to stay on station in case they find someone else in London who is single. In that case you find yourself trekking across London to work in a place you've only seen on telly). I'm hungry and bored, partly because its nighttime, and partly because there is no-one else on station.
However I have a plan...
To counter the boredom I have a DVD I can watch on the stations new DVD player (bought out of staff funds, so no we haven't been defrauding the NHS) while the hunger will soon be solved by the microwave curry I have sitting in my car.
Let us now introduce a new member into the cast, when I said I was alone that was a bit of a lie, there is the station cat. Well at least I think its a cat as it is so threadbare it could be anything. This cat is so stupid it lies in front of your amublance just when you need it the most, and refuses to move until you physically have to kick lift if gently out of the way. However it is intelligent enough to realise that when someone is using the microwave there will be an opportunity for begging five minutes later (thirteen minutes if the food is frozen).
So I nearly fell over the damn thing stepping away from the microwave, only to spend the next ten minutes discussing with a mouth full of Korma why it wouldn't like to jump up on my lap and make off with my dinner. It went a little something like this...

Miaow.
"No you can't have any".
Miaow.
"You wouldn't like it".
Miaow.
"Go eat your own dinner".
Miaow.
Gets up, plate in hand to check that the cat does indeed have food/water/toy mouse.
Miaow.
"Will you bugger off!"
Miaow.
At this point I put the plate (still with some of my food on it) on the floor, which the mangy beast sniffs and turns his nose up at. Said "cat" then goes and hides under a table.

Horrible bloody creature.