They say that America leads the UK by a couple of months...looks like we are catching up time-wise
Yesterday London was basically brought to a standstill by a 34 minute blackout.
This is only going to increase as England is the worlds second biggest importer of electricity. Has decided to stop making new power stations and will be phasing out the old run-down stations within the next twenty years.
So expect plenty more blackouts.
Have a nice day.

Turns out that I was nearly right about "Lapdance Island" in that it was a hoax for a new comedy/stitch-up programme called "The Pilot show". More details here.

...I went on the same model of plane as this one.
However mine didn't fly through a hailstorm.

So... There is a new Reality TV programme called Lapdance Island in which you have to live on an island with 40 lap-dancers, while being sure not to touch them, otherwise you lose.
Now, I suspect that a lot of people will be complaining about how demeaning this is, how TV has sunk to new lows and that sort of thing.

I have a different idea. It's actually a bluff, the makers are looking for people who are expecting to go to and island and be surrounded by gyrating young women, when actually they will crash the plane in Siberia and film the group trying to survive and make their way back to civilisation using the only Hawaiian Shirts they have on their back.

I call that entertaining, seeing them fend off wild bears with beach umbrellas, using swimwear as kindling to ward off those cold, cold nights and wondering where the naked ladies are.

(Of course I could be completely wrong)

48 hours ago I was sunning myself on the beach, now I'm picking up drunks at 9:30 in the morning. I love my job, at least its not raining.

This is the second time I´m typing this as this strange Spanish computer ate the last 5 minutes work...Bastard

I´ve just been kicked out of the apartment as I leave for sunny England today, it is now midday and is the sort of weather that Mad-dogs and us English wander around in, while the much wiser natives tend to hide from the scorching rays of the sun.
I now have to hang around until midnight (being very careful not to drink alcohol, as I think that would kill me about now) waiting for my coach to take me to the airport for my flight at 2:55 tomorow morning.

It is going to be a long day.
Still I´ll finally be in a place where my mobile phone doesn´t cost me 70p/min to receive a call and the nightclubs aren´t full of beautiful foreigners but instead scraggly looking teenagers with "cooler-than-thou" attitudes.

I do miss England (and English keyboards).

So I´m over halfway through my holiday, and I´ve not been missing the Internet too much (mainly because I´m distracted by the scantily clad women that populate this island).

Instead I find myself typing on a Spanish keyboard, which has the keys in the wrong place and have weird symbols on them. Never let it be said that travel doesn´t broaden the mind.

It´s actually a miracle I´m here in the first place, as the plane I flew over on seemed to be falling to pieces, the lights flickered, the safety film broke and I´m sure I saw the pilot taking a slug from a hip flask before taking off.

There is also the problem, that I´m holidaying with my family, which as we all have wildly different personalities has led to life being "interesting" in that Chinese curse sort of fashion.

So I´m isolated from my friends, both at home and abroad (although my friends abroad are used to me dropping off the radar due to the vagarities of shift work and time zones)

I get back on Tuesday morning, and cannot wait to see how quickly my mailbox got stuffed with spam.

That is if the flight goes well.

And on the seventh day Tony Blair created... (A rather frightening story about how Tony Blair wants religion to rule our lives)
You know, Religion really proves the whole idea of consensual reality, If I went around telling everyone that an invisible supernatural being controlled my life, and provided a moral compass then most people wouldn't mind.
If I told them an invisible pink rabbit did the same I'd get locked up.
(Well...a "Care in the Community" order at least).

...Can all alcoholics please just get drunk in their houses and fall asleep there? Why do you insist that you drink your Tennents Super in a public place where some do-gooder will think you are ill and call me out.

...Can you also have a bath once in a while? I know it's nice to roll around in the road while drunk, but it'd be nice if you were at least a bit clean to start with.

...Would you mind awfully if you don't swear at me, take a swing at me or expose yourself to me. I have quite enough abuse from the non-drunks out there... Still at least your fists are easy to dodge, and if I stop holding you up, you fall over.

...If you have a medical condition, please don't use it as an excuse to get taken into hospital. If you tell me "I'm drunk and need to sleep it off", I have less work to do than if you tell me that you have "Chest pain, Angina, Cancer and Difficulty in Breathing". The more tests I have to do the longer it'll be before you get to hospital, and the more I have to come into physical contact with you.

...When you have been sick, at some point in the next week or so, could you please change your clothing. Give them to someone who hasn't knackered their brain on booze to wash. Dry vomit on the clothing, while advertising your love for beer, doesn't endear yourself to me thankyewverymuch.

...Please keep your weight down either through diet or terminal liver failure. As I'm the poor bastard that has to lug the dead weight of your unconscious body into and out of the ambulance.

...You don't have to tell me "I'm an Alcoholic", and sound so proud about it. I do have a nose, and can smell for myself.

...Finally although Tennent's Super strong and White Lightning and for the rare rich alcoholic Stella Artois could you please come up with some less damaging drink? I think lighter fuel is better for you and contains less chemicals.

I should be a racist. I work in one of the few places in the UK where "ethnic minorities" outnumber "native whites", where 212 languages are spoken, and where ethnic on ethnic violence is common every night.
Yet I just can't bring myself to be racist.
I'll turn up to a house in which nine people are living in a squalid two bedroom house, calling me to the medical emergency of "Sore Throat"...
...and I'll still call the punter "Sir" and offer as much sympathy as I can muster.
Being racist would mean I actually have to spend some energy in deciding who I hate and then doing something about it and then spending yet more energy in covering it up.
Can you see why I don't bother...

...I just hate all humanity.