I could hardly believe it, the first job of my shift was to the 45+ Stone patient who was my last job on my last shift.

It only took 45 minutes to get him out of his flat this time, which just goes to prove that practice does indeed make perfect.

I promised answers to some of the questions asked in my comments area, so here goes...

Do you deal with a lot of hoax calls personally?

In my own personal experience, I have found that hoax calls tend to be fairly rare these days. The youths these days tend not to make hoax calls - instead they set objects on fire and wait for the Fire Service to turn up. Just a few nights ago, the target of these pyromaniacs was my block of flats. One of our crews was on the way to a job, and as they passed my flats saw flames leaping out of a window. One of the refuse chutes had been set on fire, along with a couple of waste bins.

So, no. We don't get many hoax calls, we just get people causing trouble.

When people are having epileptic fits, is there any medicine you can give them

Paramedics carry Diazepam in rectal and intravenous forms, which can be used to bring people out of fits. Unfortunately EMTs are not permitted to carry or administer these drugs - in my eyes I think it would make a lot of sense for us to carry these drugs, as seizures can be a life-threatening condition.

Do you have to do any paperwork after a job

Yes, I do, I have to fill in a 'Patient Report Form', which contains the patient's details, what is wrong with them, their 'vital signs', the times that I get to the job, and finish the job, how far I have travelled and space to 'code out' the patients problem.
I also have a 'Running' form, where I fill in the times to the job (again), the miles I've done (again), Where I went to (again) and the serial number of the patient report form.
Then there is a special RRU form, where I fill in the times (yet again), the mileage (yet again), where the job was (yet again) and do some maths to work out if I got to the job in less than eight minutes.
Luckily I don't have to fill in HIPAA forms or anything like that - but it does seem that most of the time I'm filling in paperwork rather than actually seeing patients.

What do you give for a heart attack

In London we give Asprin, which reduces the mortality of a heart attack by 25%, and GTN (nitroglycerine) which 'opens up' blood vessels, hopefully allowing more blood to got to the heart so that the damage done by the heart attack is minimised. In some parts of the country ambulance paramedics can give anti-thrombolytic drugs. These 'clot busters' break up the blood clot causing the heart attack - but because of the risks of serious side effects and the nearness of hospitals we don't yet have these drugs in London.

You didn't like 'Constantine', what was the last film you liked?

I went to see 'Robots' last night and thoroughly enjoyed it. Laughed out loud at the fart jokes, the Britney Spears pastiche and the ever funny Robin Williams. There are lots of interesting films coming out in the next couple of months, so I'm considering getting a Season ticket.


I think that's all the questions, many apologies if I've missed yours. If you want to ask me anything then please do feel free to leave a comment, or drop me an email.

From the excellent Mac Hall
Please note that this has nothing to do with anything going on in my personal life now, or in the past or present, it is presented purely because it is amusing. Go there, read the other comics, enjoy them and then buy merchandise.