In a way to return the ‘linky love’ as well as to continue the theme – I direct you to this posting from Mr. Ells. (NSFW)  I’ll leave it up to the reader to question “why?”.

So far I have only written about the men who have presented themselves to me with objects d’arse, but this isn’t solely a male preoccupation.  Women also have suffered from the lack of judgement that leads to putting things where they shouldn’t go.

Women seem to stay away from the ecologically sound option of carrots, or even vibrators.

Instead they go for the deodorant bottle, or, and this is slightly scary, glass bottles.

And of the three deodorant bottles I’ve seen up a womans back passage “Mum” was the number one, while the other was a Lynx roll-on style deodorant.

Actually, there was one man who claimed to have ‘fallen’ backward onto a roll-on bottle, luckily for him, there was a Surgical House Officer who had really small hands, and was able to work it loose without the need for the patient to go to theatre.

As a quick side-note – given that vacuuming, cleaning, decorating, dancing or watching the TV naked has such a high incidence of people falling over and accidentally having object inserted anally – shouldn’t the government have some for of public service broadcast?

As mentioned earlier, the other attractive choice is beer bottles, obviously if this were to break while in-situ there could be very serious complications.  I think that the two or three people who have presented to me with a glass bottle inserted were all lucky in that the doctors managed to get the bottle out without tearing the patient’s lower colon to shreds with broken glass.

Why do people do these things?

Tomorrow I shall tell you about the second most insane person I ever looked after, and the things that she did to herself, and the way she made my day really complicated.