ITV (A T.V. channel in Britain), has a new drama called “Golden Hour”, which is about the London air ambulance.

It’s bloody awful, although some of the special effects are alright.  It is in a complete fantasy world all on its own.  I would write more, but I don’t want to waste my time, or yours.

If you are not from Britain, then please ignore this post

I think I must have a slight infection or something - all I want to do is sleep, and I've lost all motivation to do anything other than sleep and lay around doing nothing. This is Not Good, and something I'll regret when I'm back at work

Shift work is a bastard.

I really do mean that, it's bad for your health, your social life, and your ability to interact with the world around you.

So how do I deal with working shifts?

Firstly, no matter when I'm awake, there is a timezone somewhere in the world where it is daylight. So by having friends spread around the globe, there is always someone to talk to no matter the time.

But there does comes a time when you need to reset your bodies timezone with the timezone that you are physically in. If your shift is a 'one off', then you can reset gradually, by going to bed an hour later every night until you catch up with the rest of local time.

The problem that many of us shiftworkers have to deal with is that while I'm getting up at 4pm right now, in three days time I need to be getting up at 5am. So for me, it's time for some pain.

Going from night shift to a day shift is really painful. I finish work at 06:30, I go home, I stay awake until 21:00.

I'll have been awake for 21 to 23 hours, but despite the pain (and trust me, spending almost all your life in a state of perpetual jetlag is no fun), you can then set your alarm clock for 7am where you wake feeling as fresh as a daisy.

(Or rather in my case, feeling like a nearly-dead thing, that wishes to be completely-dead).

Turning a dayshift into a nightshift is easier for me because I'm naturally a nightowl. What I do is on the day before my nightshift, I'll snooze until midday, then stay awake until about 5am. I'll set my alarm for 8 hours sleep, so I'll wake up at 1pm, but will be ready to do my nightshift without feeling too awful.

Of course, the real trick of this trade is making sure you don't work rotating shifts.

Some people seem to think that faking unconsciousness is a good idea, either they are mentally ill, drunk, or more commonly, have had some form of argument and have decided to ‘go unconscious’. 

For some reason, benefit offices and rent payment offices are popular places, as are police cells, magistrates courts and at the checkouts of supermarkets.

The easiest, and quickest way to see if someone is faking unconsciousness is to lightly brush your finger against their eyelashes.  If their eyes flicker, then they are almost certainly faking it.  Also if they try to keep their eyes closed when you try to open them, they are definitely faking it.  Another way of checking is to hold their hand over their face, and let it drop.  People tend to be reluctant to let their hand hit them on the nose, and so the hand will instead magically drop to one side.

The other giveaway is that they open their eyes to look at you when they think you aren’t watching them…

But what happens if someone is able to wake up, yet is refusing to?

Let me quickly explain an important part of measuring someone's Glasgow Coma Scale.  The Glasgow Coma Scale is a way of measuring how deep someone's level of unconsciousness is.  (I could just quote the Wikipedia article, but if you want to know what a GCS is, then click the link).  Part of this process of assessment is how they respond to pain.

The official method of applying this pain is to push hard against the upper part of the eye socket.  This does no damage but is apparently painful.

Not to me it isn’t, and not if you are deeply drunk.

So there are other painful stimuli, one of which (my favourite) is the ‘sternal rub’, where you rub the knuckles of your hand against the patient’s breast-bone.  Some lilly-livered people think that this assessment is too close to assault, but I would ask them to consider that if we didn’t get drunks to wake up, we would be forced to undertake invasive medical procedures on them in order to ensure that their airway is clear.  If you can tolerate my sternal rub then there is something seriously wrong with you, and you need emergency treatment – but if you wake up then I have effectively ‘cured’ you.

Either way the assessment is complete.

Of course I did get a broken rib for my troubles when curing an unconscious drunk who had sexually assaulted a female pedestrian.  I also can’t see how one way of causing pain may be assault, but another isn’t.

The moral of this story is simple : Don’t pretend you are unconscious, because we will know – and don’t pretend to be unconscious when you are drunk, because it can get painful for you.

My favourite tale of how to uncover a pretender in a hospital setting was a doctor, who would loudly ask for the ‘brain needle’, to draw off some brain fluid from the unconscious patient via the ear.  Of course, he would continue, the patient needed to be unconscious because otherwise they might flinch and the needle go into the brain itself.  This was normally followed by the patient ‘waking up’ and asking, “Doctor, where am I?”.

It's lunchtime at the PodcastUK con, and I have managed to find a little corner to write out a blogpost.  I'm thinking that it would be a good idea to write this now, as there is a plan for a reasonable amount of (non-binge) drinking later in the evening.

The first thing that goes when I drink is my memory, then my inhibitions, then my legs...  I don't intent to lose any of these things, but my memory of recent events does tend to disappear after about half a pint of weak beer.

Because it is lunch, the most important thing is the observation that while the food is very nice looking (strange cuts of meat, lopsided rolls, bits of melon, and something that resembles a cold shish-kebab), none of it is hot.  The room the talks are taking place in are air conditioned, so I'm also a bit cold.

I've just come back from a pizza run.  Never underestimate the ability of ambulance people to find hot food and caffeine, it's all part of our special training.

The location itself (posh hotel in the middle of London) lends the event some serious gravitas, although I dread to think how much it cost to hire, especially for something that in reality is quite a small meeting.  The professionalism of this event is great, and although this is the first European Podcasting convention - it only adds to the impression that podcasting is a professional and useful part of the internet.

The actual talks have been very interesting, although I feel like a bit of a fraud being here.  So far my podcasting career has been limited to readings of my posts, and one 'proto-cast'.  Needless to say, the enthusiasm of the people here means that it is inevitable that I shall start a more regular podcast.  Keep your ears open later in the week.

I was a bit late (Hey!  I needed a bit of a lay-in in bed), and I arrived half way through a talk by a man from the BBC.

The fellow from the BBC (Chris Kimber, head of interactive radio) was interesting (despite a slightly embarrassing audio failure, that left his talk without example podcasts).  It appears that the BBC are very interested in how podcasts are shaping up, how they can complement their broadcast programmed, and how it might be possible that podcasting replaces the more traditional hospital radio route of getting into radio presenting.

There was another talk by Neville Hobson of 'for immediate release’, about how podcasting has been embraced by a wide range of business, and he has given me a few ideas that I'm going to suggest to 'important people' in 'high up places'.

There was then a very short break for coffee, where other people 'networked', something I thankfully don't have to do - I think I'm secure in my job, and I try to avoid new 'clients' as much as possible.  I keep going to these things and I always feel out of place that I’m not trying to drum up new business.

Then a talk by the creator of The Tartan Podcast (highlighting unsigned Scottish bands) about a good way to get podcast safe music into your 'cast.  Very interesting, very useful and I walked away with a free CD of an up and coming Scottish band. 

Then a talk by a journalist lecturer, who suggested some uses of podcasting to educate and inform  remedial children and community nurses ( very interesting to hear how both groups have similar problems in receiving and retaining information).

Then lunch, which brings me up to this point in the post.  The rest of this post may well be written 24 hours later and after the effects of alcohol - see if you can spot the difference.

…..

Richard Vobes show which was performed and recorded live for us, interesting to see it put together, but the way he puts on a ‘wacky’ radio voice makes me want to stab small animals.  I’ve never heard his podcast, and I doubt I ever will. (especially because he is charging for it).

James Cridland from Virgin radio did very well against a couple of people who just didn’t think that he ‘got podcasting’.  From what I can remember of his talk, it was actually pretty well thought out, but I don’t think that the Virgin radio ‘cast is as popular as he may think it is.

More coffee, another two Red Bulls before Paul Nicholls gave pretty much the same talk I gave at Opentech.  However he is a lawyer, so I shall bow to his knowledge.  Interestingly he offered free legal advice in the field of Podcasting and libel.  One name for the address book then…

I can’t remember much else, apart from another unfunny live podcast from Simulacrum, and a small presentation from the sponsors Be who are offering 24Meg Broadband.

Then I found myself in a pub with a load of great people, even though one of them dragged me away from a Steakhouse and into a fancy Japanese restaurant.  But I like steak…

Ambulance stuff tomorrow, and no, I’m not spending all my time in World of Warcraft, or in City of Heroes.

Posted much later than it was written - ambulance stuff tomorrow

Of interest to only those who play World of Warcraft in Europe.

The latest patch has given us PvP RP servers, I’m playing ‘Reynolds’ on the ‘Venture Co.’ server.

Anyone fancy starting a Guild?  Send me an in-game email if you’d like to.

Anyone going to Podcast Con UK on Saturday? I'll be there, and I shall probably be wearing a big hat. I want to be known from now on as "The Blogger in the Hat".

(If Ewan goes around with a kilt, and Ben in a skirt, then I think a hat is perfectly acceptable).

I have also got my copy of 'Podcasting Hacks'.

This means that, along with a redesign of the site, that there may well be some more 'proper' podcasts in the near future.

Then I have a week off work (although not a week off 'working'), where I shall teach you every trick I know concerning ambulance work (which shouldn't take long).

But tomorrow - I sleep.

Blog Assessment of Personality System.

 

‘BAPS’ for short…

 

I was driving aimlessly around, trying to find an interesting job, but actually thinking about the redesign of the Guardian.

 

Many of the blogs that I read regularly have been commenting about the redesign of the Guardian newspaper, and I was pondering what this meant about the blogs that I read, and what it says about my personality.

 

The first time I was in college, I used to supplement my meagre income with Tarot card readings and palm reading (palm reading I would often do for free at parties, it allowed me to retire to a dark corner and stroke the hands of attractive young women).  All of which is utter rubbish, but it was amusing at the time.

 

So I now offer a new service – The BAPS.

 

Send me a list of 10 or 12 blogs or sites that you read regularly (Not Boing Boing, as everyone reads that), leave a tip in the Donation site and I’ll send back my analysis of your reading habits, and what it says about your personality.

 

It will not be the same as everyone else, nor will it be a simple ‘cut n paste’ job.

 

Honest.

 

And this post isn’t just a chance to snaffle some Google juice for the word BAPS, which for the non-Brits is a slang term for a female chest.

A strange day, it wasn’t that hot, but all I seemed to be doing was going to young women who had fainted.  A lot of women who had fainted.

It started off on the 30th floor of a skyscraper in Docklands, which had a lovely view.  People were having meetings around tables in the expensively furnished corridors, and all the office walls were made of glass.

Which made me glad that I didn’t have to undress the woman who had fainted.

Then it was across the road to another woman who had fainted in another (less well furnished) office.

Then a bit of a run North to yet another woman who had fainted.

Then a gentleman who had fainted on the bus.

Then a woman who had fainted in the local shopping centre.

It seemed like people were dropping like flies.

The really unusual thing was that the blood pressure of all the patients was 80/50, which is really rather low.

It also struck me as interesting that the first of my fainters was near the Arms fair, and then got progressively further and further away.  I didn’t think to check the direction of the wind…

Thirteen jobs today, I am, as they say, bloody tired.

The media has reported a fair bit about MRSA in ambulances of late, one of my commenters has asked how the London Ambulance Service deals with patients who are MRSA positive.

(Note: I'm also writing this to avoid losing my job by posting about a family who have called an ambulance more than seven times in the past week for the same illness).

Primarily the problem is that we just don't know who are MRSA positive, MRSA is prevalent in the community, and I would suggest that most nursing homes have plenty of colonised residents. I remember working in hospital, having to swab everyone coming in from a 'high risk' environment, which basically meant anyone from a nursing home, or another hospital.

It takes time to swab and grow a culture (three days if I remember correctly), and each test costs a not inconsiderable amount of money.

If a patient is MRSA positive, then our infection control booklet tells us that we should use our 'personal protective equipment' (our uniforms) plus what are known as 'universal precautions' - essentially latex gloves.

To clean an ambulance after transporting an MRSA positive patient we use 'System 1' and 'System 2 or 3'.

System 1 - Detergent. System

2 - Chlorine spray System

3 - Alcohol.

So anything the patient has come in contact with is wiped with detergent, and then we either spray it with chlorine solution, or wipe down with alcohol wipes.

The other problem that we have is that we are so chronically overworked, that we often only have a little time to clean the ambulances. If you are having a heart attack, then you won't be impressed if all the ambulances on duty are off the road waiting to dry.

When the LAS do something, we often do it right. Our boss realised that the ambulances aren't as clean as they should be, and that road staff didn't have time to 'deep clean' ambulances every shift. The solution was to contract an outside firm who now cleans and stocks our ambulances for us and from what I have seen, they do a pretty good job.

So every night a gang of underpaid workers clean as many ambulances as possible. This 'make-ready' crew are paid a frankly pitiful £6 an hour, working from 1am to 6am they can clean around 16 ambulances a night using industrial cleaning materials. Every month they are quality controlled by random swabbing. So far they have only had good results.

So I personally think that the LAS is doing something positive and effective against the spread of MRSA

MRSA will never be eradicated, unless we force everyone at gunpoint to use alcohol gel after every physical contact (and this includes 'civilians') and enforce daily antibacterial showers for the entire population of, well, the entire world. But we can do our best to prevent the spread of MRSA (and other, nastier diseases).

As an amusing aside to yesterdays post. I only found out about the arms exhibition because of all the police in the area.

I found out about the demonstrations because I spent five minutes with Google.

I found out the LAS plans to cover the event by talking to friends.

There has been no official bulletin, no memos, no announcements. Our regular bulletin has however let us know about our new 'Community Handbook' (more on which later).

Bit of a poor showing I think.

(Also some people on my station are annoyed that they were never asked to cover the event - considering that it is smack bang in the middle of our 'patch').

Still, the police and protesters will be able to see our nice new shiny ambulances sitting around, while those of us actually working on the streets have had to make do with our old ambulances.

I mean, why would the road crews want the newer air-conditioned ambulances with tail lifts?

I believe that one crew were told by management that this situation is happening because 'image is important'.

It's that special time of the year again, when death-dealers descend on Newham to enjoy the 'Defence Systems and Equipment International exhibition'.

It's an arms fair.

In Newham of all places.

I'm always worried that the local gangs are going to storm the fair and loot it of some 'interesting' souvenirs. Then for the next couple of months I find myself dodging cruise missiles and landmines rather than the usual broken bottles, knives and dog turds...

Both the mayor of Newham, and the mayor of London want the exhibition to stop coming here - but it still comes, bringing with it massive disruption for the people of Newham.

So there will be lots of demonstrations (some have already taken place, such as a street party), but as the exhibition starts tomorrow we are expecting things to start warming up a bit. I haven't seen any soap-dodgers protesters yet, but I'm guessing that tomorrow will see the banner wielding population of Newham increase a thousand-fold. At the moment it seems that a lot of their tactics involve blocking various roads that control entry to the exhibition.

So far I have seen a veritable army of police arriving, shields at the ready (4,000 police taken from other duties to cover the event). Obviously this leaves the rest of London a bit short on policing. I've seen convoys of riot police making their way to the area, and this morning there appeared to be random vehicle checks.

On our part, the LAS have manned an extra ambulance or two for the duration of the exhibition. Sitting in the sun watching people shouting seems like an easy way of getting some overtime. We are also doing other things, but it's probably not a good idea to tell the world and his wife about it. I just hope that the exhibition organisers are paying for our services, after all, it's not like they are short of money.

It might be interesting to print out a spotters card of dictators, warlords and despots just to see how many you can catch turning up in unmarked limousines

I must admit I'm torn. I like the police, they are always helpful, they do a job that is remarkably difficult and when I've needed help they've always turned up and been very useful.

But...

I really sympathise with the protesters, and if I wasn't working, then I'd probably be there amongst them waving a banner and trying not to get stood on by a police horse.

So I'll sit on the fence and say that they are both going to be a huge pain in the backside because they are both going to block roads, probably injure each other and will cause traffic jams when I'm planning on going home.

The philosophy of Reynolds - 'balance through the dislike of everyone'.