After going to the umpteenth person who answers in the negative when I ask, "Have you tried taking a painkiller?", I would suggest that if people were to take a painkiller, my workload would be halved.

And after last night, a drop of antacid for indigestion might be handy as well.

But that way lies madness, for soon I'll expect people to be able to put a sticking plaster on themselves next.