I'm glad that all the posts that I wrote in advance went up automatically while I was away sunning myself in Egypt. While it was nice to get away, I did feel rather disconnected as there was no phone or internet service where I was staying.
I would have loved to used Twitter, but as the roaming data plan was £6/Mb, I thought that I'd keep from bankruptcy and not use it.
Instead I wrote my prospective tweets down in my notebook and will now reproduce them for you now.
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WEDNESDAY
Arrived in Egypt in the dark, did not plunge, flaming, into the sea - this makes me happy.
Also - no screaming children on plane, however in-flight entertainment was a rom-com. Deciding what was worse.
Arrived at hotel just after the dinner service was finishing - never mind, they have a 'midnight snack option'.
Only two double beds in the room, despite asking for three beds - once more one of us will be sleeping on a cot.
Yes, I'm travelling with my mum and brother.
No, Mr Receptionist, I'm not sleeping with my mother.
Also, my brother cannot stand to be touched by another human being, so I'm not sharing a bed with him either.
Midnight snack service has beef... I *adore* beef.
Time to sleep, nighty night.
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THURSDAY
Mother unpacks her kettle and teamaking supplies from her suitcase.
Cup of tea, now down for breakfast.
Heh, they have beef for breakfast - well, you can never have too much beef I say.
Musak in the restaurant is quite interesting, a jazzy piano version of 'Dark side of the moon' - I wonder if I could buy this on iTunes.
Partaking of the all-inclusive drinks.
Two halfs of gassy lager later I decide to stop partaking of the all-inclusive drinks.
Lunch - Beef or Fish, well I don't eat fish, so I have the pleasure of beef again.
Time to sit on the balcony to read, start off in the sun slowly.
Reading the 'The Strain', it's actually not that good.
This resort is really popular with Eastern Europeans and Russians - a bit like home really.
Dinner - Beef or Fish again, so beef and rice. I wonder what they'll have tomorrow.
Also they are playing that piano Dark side of the moon again.
I plug my laptop into the room TV, the family movie tonight is 'Taken'.
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FRIDAY
I think I'll skip breakfast, lay in bed instead.
Time to sit by the pool.
<Twenty minutes later> Time to head for some shade before I crisp up too much.
Lunch, beef again... Does Egypt have nothing but cows? I mean, I understand there being no pork...
Finish 'The Strain', entirely predictable and too many plot holes.
Start 'Orcs', it's a big book, should last me a while - I've owned it for ages but never got round to reading it.
Dinner - Really? Do they not have anything other than beef?
Or that Pink Floyd track?
Tonight's movie, courtesy of iTunes is 'Gran Torino'.
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SATURDAY
Holiday rep is Scottish, but has a Spanish name - strange.
Brother is watching athletics, in German, on the TV - I suspect he's going through WoW withdrawal.
'Orcs', is simple but fun - makes me want to roleplay an Orc in WoW.
Did I mention? Beef for breakfast and lunch. And Pink Floyd.
Somewhat melancholy, so many couples here, yet I've never been on holiday with any of my ex-girlfriends. Wondering if I've missed something.
Dinner. I think I just passed wind and it sounded like a cow mooing.
Movie night is 'Madagascar 2', my mum loves kids films about animals. She falls asleep halfway through.
That isn't a critique on the film, she's just tired.
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SUNDAY
Just, you know, take it as read that for breakfast, lunch and dinner there is some sort of beef component.
And Pink Floyd and that bastard 'Dark side of the moon' piano tinkly thing.
Finished my book, now starting on the 112 video podcasts I have to watch.
Alternatively I could sit here and watch scantily clad young ladies walk past me.
TEDtalks it is...
Am I growing cow horns? I feel like I'm growing cow horns.
Watching the families play on the beach, once more wondering if I've missing something by not having wife/kids.
I really need to think less sometimes.
We take in the hotel entertainment by the pool. It's dire. We lay on sunbeds while I try and explain what shooting stars are to my mum.
She feels sad that the shooting stars burn up and 'die' in Earth's atmosphere.
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MONDAY
Last full day, tomorrow will be full of travelling.
Brother sits on the end of his bed and weeps over the thought of Beef for yet another day.
I feel like going on a hunger strike.
We venture into the dining area - the familiar, maddening, Pink Floyd is on repeat.
TURKEY! - God, I *adore* turkey.
We make plans for tomorrow - kicked out of our room at noon, picked up for flight at 18:50
We land at London Gatwick at 2am, when there is no tube to get home.
It's going to be a long day tomorrow, and it casts it's shadow over the whole of today.
I have no tan - I consider this a success. No tan=no melanoma.
I am not a hypochondriac.
Movie night is 'The Last Mimsy' - Mum goes back to sleep as it's too complicated for her.
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TUESDAY
Like an episode from 'The Great Escape' we take nine rolls from the breakfast service - otherwise we won't eat until we land in London.
Kicked out of hotel room at noon, coach to pick us up is a 19:00 - a long wait in reception.
Sitting in reception, our task is to drink 14 bottles of water, because we wouldn't want to leave any free water behind...
...Yes, my mum is crazy.
Hold up, what's that I hear on the muzak? Pink-sodding-Floyd. The same song. On loop.
Isn't that against the Geneva convention on torture?
Brother and I work it out, we'll have to listen to it eighty-four times before the coach arrives.
I discover that it is impossible to cut your throat by using a papercut.
Drinking the water - going to the toilet - wondering if water intoxication has the ability to drown out muzak.
Seven hours later, one game of scrabble, five videos and 30 'Professor Layton' puzzles later and the coach arrives.
Time for the repeated 'remove things from trouser pockets and put them in bag for x-raying' dance.
On plane. Murderous. Considering looking up how much room is needed by law in transporting livestock. Wondering why it doesn't apply to humans.
English border control woman is the most foul-tempered person I've met in some time. Still it is 2 a.m.
Sitting on the floor at Victoria waiting for the Underground to open at 5:20.
What's that noise in my head? Pink Floyd.
Buying a sandwich. Anything but beef please.
Tube - walk - drive. Now finally home at seven a.m. Time for a few hours sleep.
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To be honest, it was a lovely holiday - sitting around doing pretty much nothing, being fed and watered without having to cook (or in my case, warm something up in my microwave or phone for a takeaway). It gave me plenty of time to sit and think, which isn't always a good thing for me to do, but in this case it gave me some breathing room away from everything.
Now I'm going to have a long weekend in Cumbria so we can take our mum to see a zoo where they let lemurs run free - and so I can run around with a camera trying to pick up some photography craft, then five days of free time before returning to work. Which should give me some time to get my emails answered and some writing done.
