oh to have had such a nice life that the thought of getting off your face on some drug or another has never crossed your mind ... let me tell you a bit about me ... i have a good job, i pay my taxes, i'm a homeowner, i generally contribute to society in all the ways i'm expected to etc etc. but it all could have been very different. i abused drink and drugs in my teens, and if there hadn't been a couple of people around me to fight my corner, stop me getting into trouble, and give me support and the occasional kick up the arse, i probably would have ended up addicted to *something*, and would quite possibly have ended up in prison or in the forensic mental health system. most people aren't as lucky as i've been. if you'd known anything about the life of the man you went out to last night, well, i don't think you would have felt the need to write this entry. it's the shit lives of addicts that stop them being human, not the drugs - i was dead inside *years* before i started drinking heavily or taking speed. at that time, it was the only thing i could do to get any kind of good feeling - i didn't think i deserved anything *truly* good. i know it was my "choice", but it really didn't feel like a choice at the time. it was either that or a long walk off a short cliff. and the trouble i caused in the lives of those around me was unintentional - i couldn't believe that anyone cared, so why would i think that what i was doing to myself would affect them in any way? you know it's not just about the methadone, you must do. getting off drugs or drink is about changing your whole life, not just one habit. you work in the nhs (as do i by the way), so you know too that there just aren't enough resources out there to help these people in the ways that they need to be helped, even though substance misuse is one of the better funded areas. it annoys me that society is so quick to turn its back on addicts & write them off as losers, but not so quick to look at the reasons why they've ended up that way. i'm sorry this has turned into such a rant. i'm all for getting things off your chest and being honest etc, but it kinda made my blood boil to read something so judgemental when it seems like you haven't stopped to try and imagine what it must be like for the patient. saying that though, it's probably better that you offload it here than bottle it up and letting it affect how you treat people. and just so you know - i'm not coming at this entirely from the patient perspective either - i work in forensic mental health - a service full of "heartsink" patients if ever there was one, & most of them addicts in recovery - so i know that feeling of wanting to tell someone to pull themselves together when they've messed up *yet again*. but i also know that it aint that easy. and that's what i always have to remember. http://survivorworker.blogspot.com