what i'm saying though is that it wasn't just my personal resolve to change my situation that effected the change - i had people around me who had faith in me that i could change, when i had none in myself. some people just aren't born with the kind of resolve or coping strategies to change, or they have them eroded through whatever's gone on in their lives - and that's not their fault. you're right though, i don't know what's gone on in your life and i shouldn't have made the generalisation - i would have thought though that having had whatever experiences you've had might make you bit more empathetic! i dunno ... i just think it would be very easy for me to get up on my high horse and say "well i've got through it, why the hell can't you? why are you so different?" and then i remember the days, weeks, months when it seemed like nothing could ever help and that i'd spend the rest of my life in some terrible black hole (i still get times like that, but less often these days) and i remember the teachers who locked me in my school boarding house for a week so i could detox (yes, really!) and turned a blind eye to certain things so i wouldn't have the rest of my life fucked up by having a criminal record, and my best friend's mum who gave me a place to escape to when i couldn't deal with being at home, and i feel very very lucky. [bloody hell, i should write all that on a piece of paper, keep it in my wallet and get it out and read it the next time i'm having a bad day!] maybe there are some people out there who are just self-indulgent and peversely enjoy having a miserable life, i dunno. i think i've only met one so far, and i know a lot of messed up people ;o)