I appreciate your honesty. Addiction to anything - drugs, food, drink, painkillers, tv, the internet ad infinitum is generally an 'avoidance' of something. It's not so much changing your life - it's actually changing your self and that must be why so many addicts relapse. I can't think of anything worse than realising that the only person that can help you properly is yourself. That must be a very daunting prospect. Especially if you have spent your life avoiding/not liking yourself. Self destruction is so painful to watch at any age.