Poor you. Hope you have something interesting to read/watch as a distraction. Maybe try soluble fibre (porridge anyone?) and some nice friendly bacteria to slow things down? Love the column (discovered it through the Guardian web site). The 'Maternataxis' really crack me up; having given birth twice, I'm not sure how you mistake the every twenty minute latent phase contraction for the 'my entire body is convulsing with the imminent arrival of my child's canteloupe-sized head'.