My thoughts are really with you mate. You've dealt with something that no human should ever have to deal with, much less be ready to cope with. Not only that, but it sounds like the fact that you transported the baby, and made the effort to prepare the parents for the inevitable was well beyond what was required of you. Well done for going the extra mile - don't under-estimate the amount of difference it will make to the family in the future, when they know that every possible step was taken to save the baby. Don't expect to get over it with a few anal surgery jokes - I'm sure it's something that'll stay with you for a good while. But at least you can go to sleep knowing that you did a damn good job for that baby's family. Hats off to you.