I totally agree with Ratchick and Elenfair. I have a friend trying to break free from an abusive relationship right now. The thing is, if the abuser was like that from the start of the relationship then the victim wouldn't stay 5 minutes. But the abuse starts gradually. The abuser gains the victims trust first and then over a period of years they gradually wear down the victims self confidence, leaving them to believe that the only person in the world who would want to be with them is their abuser. Often the victim has no other friends either, so they start to lose touch with what is "normal" in a relationship and what isn't. It's about complete control. I've been totally stunned at how confused my friend has been over what is normal behaviour and what isn't. She doubts herself constantly, and doesn't seem to know herself at all. Unfortunately people sense this in her, and she ends up being treated badly by everyone.