I'm very sorry about your friend, Mr Mans Wife. I've been on both sides of the problem, and know how frustrating it is to feel like there's nothing you can really do. It's a true "damned if you do, damned if you don't" kind of situation. If you try to convince her to leave, he may find out and take it out on her (i.e. the "make it worse" scenario). If you don't, who knows what can happen... The only thing you can do is let her know you don't think it's right, that she does deserve better, and that you're there to help her if she decides to leave. Most women in these situations feel completely alone - abusers make sure to sever our friendships and our ties to family. It's an effective way to make sure we don't leave. I wish I had a solution for your friend. I know those who were close to me did everything they could to convince me to leave. It took a trip to the hospital, months of rehabilitation and a really determined crown's attorney to get me out of that mess. I was thankful to have friends who were still around to help me pick up the pieces and find myself again. I wish you the best of luck.