What you describe is what is the most frustrating bit of working with survivors of domestic violence. It's so hard to imagine what it's like, from the inside... and so hard for anyone who has not really been through something like that to understand just how deeply it shaters the victim's identity and sense of self. It's so hard to understand WHY someone would return to an abuser! I think it's important to understand that there is actually comfort in what is "familiar", even if that is a dangerous, violent situation. Something has to be done. I wish I knew what COULD be done...