sorry batsgirl to hear your story and also sorry for my admittedly simplistic comment. As your story proves, alcohol is not a "factor" for abuse, it should never be used as an excuse for abuse and it should never used to imply an illness on tha abuser`s side etc. I have been a heavy drinker the last 20 years, hiding from my appalling low self esteem. Now that i have stopped drinking , i see that this low esteem was a major reason i tolerated psychological abuse from many who were close to me. Easy to say with hindsight, but i wonder why i never had the strength to walk away. On the other side of the coin, however, surely alcohol gives these pathetic abusers more "courage" to abuse? Alcohol breaks down our inhibitions and erodes our "values" ? Like batsgirl said "to take control, to flex his power" Thats what i meant in my previous post, an abuser is an abuser : no excuses, hope you abusers go to jail like you deserve, but somewhere in the complex equation of abuse, alcohol plays a part. Not in all cases, of course! I hope i dont offend anyone, this is just me trying to understand a complicated topic thats close to my heart.