Fimb, I hope you don't think I was referring to cases such as yours. What I'm trying to say is (which obviously doesn't come across very well in a short post) that I have seen both. I have experience with people trying to commit suicide for real or self harming because of mental illness, and I have experience of people "trying to commit suicide" or self harming for attention, or as Batgirl put it, to control others. If someone is seriously suicidal or self harms because of depression or another mental illness, of course they deserve every bit of sympathy, and I would be disgusted if those close to that person deserted them (and I've seen that happen too). But, I think it's fairly obvious that the person in Toms post was trying to control his girlfriend through emotional black mail, and in that situation the person needs to get out and not look back, because the effects of that kind of relationship are damaging to all concerned. Please accept my apologies if I have caused you offence by not making myself clear in my first comment.