Wow, what an experience. In the case of your wife, emotional blackmail and mental illness was very blurred indeed. Maybe it's not all as clear cut as I thought it to be. Currently I am married to a Schizophrenic who has both self harmed and attempted suicide, but this in no way ever feels like emotional blackmail, and I would never consider leaving him. Actually, he has often resisted self harm even when the feelings were very strong because he didn't want to upset me. I suppose that's the difference, he tries hard to resist for my sake, rather than making these attempts to "get at me".