I've felt that way over one horrific breakup, but I didn't try to control the other person's behaviour. Doesn't make me a saint - I hit the bottle pretty hard at points and didn't get out of bed at others - but I didn't make it be about trying to control them. I'm not saying this to argue, because it sounds like you've also had a pretty ghastly time of it and I feel for you, but am posting just to offer an example that even the times when sanity and well-balanced reasoning aren't available, not all of us reach for the knife drawer.