That's grim reading, batsgirl, and sadly also very true in many ways....... Sympathy though - sympathy doesn't treat the underlying causes of the problems - not on either side (although it's possibly more likely to work on the pther partner). What's required is basically what you say - both sides need to be seen to be suffering - and there *are* ways to ensure both sides receive the treatment and attention they need! Trouble is, the guy who shoves the knife into his stomach might not get the attention he *wants* - and part of the problem also lies in the fact that the actual attention he needs might be a 12 month waiting list down the line.......if he's lucky!!!!! There's your problem - too many freaks like me, not enough resources to treat us all. So - as you rightly point out, the other side suffers too. No-one wins. Note - I am not disagreeing with anything you say - just steering the emphasis to where I believe the debate should look........the root causes of mental illness are multifarious and often hard to diagnose/treat - so successive governments' answer to this is to cut back and cut back and cut back - the only people who "win" are newspaper owners who get to write wonderfully-dramatic and eye-catching headlines whilst Middle England tuts and sighs into its corn flakes and coffee, silently yet smugly assuring themselves that thank god it's not them........... (Told you this one cuts a bit close - sorry - I am currently going through a personal battle of guilt relating to incidents where I have doubtlessly caused distress to others and I cannot get out of my head just now how unhappy they must have been - this is my condition's way to fight back against the happiness I feel about my forthcoming wedding to my own Miss Right........mental illness can be a cruel bastard at times.......)