Can't supply the baseball bat but I can reccomend a L.A.R.T. more commonly known as a Luser Attitude Re-adjustment Tool. Long fat bit of wood with a nail through the end... you could always post it to them with instructions on how to use it on themselves. I can't say I've had a problem with my Mac either, although saying that, I've had it 3 / 4 months and I've not had internet access for 2 of those months. Still no problems with it. Wish I could get a newer version of Firefox for it.