It's because of a joke that I made to my mum about wondering if I'd get a birthday card this year. I have no idea where that joke came from. May be it comes from a place that does still hurt, in fact it hurt's like f**k, The anger at what he did, the injustice of it all, what it put your mum through. May be the anger or even the ' joke ' he has become; is a way of fencing off, neatley packaging up what is a deep messy unresolved hurt? Sorry, what do I know.... its your world. Birthday, (hug) older is wiser!