I can feel your pain Tom. My own father walked out on us to live with another woman, and thats a massive thing to try and understand when your eleven. I gradually learned over the coming years through family and friends just what a man he was, and it made me ashamed, embarassed, and really rather sick. I had to come to terms with the fact that the man i called Dad was an animal. I made the concious decision from a young age however, that it would not make me weak. I took his behaviour as an example, an example of what not to do rather than the other way around. I have taken strength from his diabolical behaviour, and set out to prove to myself, and anyone else who wishes to look, that whilst I may be my fathers son, I am nothing like him. You are not your father. You are a wonderful and caring person who devotes his days to the welfare of others, and you have nothing to prove. Sometimes only the worst can bring out the best in us. I hope you have a good day, our thoughts are with you :)