Had a very similar experience when my father disappeared when I was about 6, then re-appeared when I was 13 for a few months. I remember looking out of the window waiting for him to appear. When I left the army aged 24 I used to worry that I would find him drunk in the gutter somewhere (he was a drinker) - then one day someone rang me and told me he had died of cancer aged 55. I didn't know whether to bothered or not. I wasn't until someone told me he died with £2.50 and a photo of me and my younger brother in his wallet - and that's all he had to his name. I didn't go to the funeral but I kind of regret that now. At least I didn't find him in the gutter - or mentioned in this blog.