That does require one to have intact self-esteem though, and that is usually what's been worn away for years in abuse cases. She is afraid of being with him, but even more so on her own - likely doesn't have the slightest scrap of self-esteem in her ability to make it on her own. Plus there's the reality of continued danger from an ex who would probably never make it into jail. I believe that in relationships that turn abusive, either the spouse leaves the *very first time* violence occurs, or it's going to be a long drag out. It must be so frustrating to have to attend these cases - I understand your sentiment. But usually the situations are not nearly so simple as "just up and leave him" because of the psychological damage to the victims.