It is amazing how resilient and yet how fragile the human body is. More than most, you know both sides of that coin, and I'm sorry to say that this sadness is a good thing; If it didn't hurt it would mean you'd have stopped caring, and that would have meant you wouldn't fight so hard to save people. I know that sort of sentiment is never any help when your hearing it, and I wish there was something to say that could change the reality of those events, to change those decisions and make everything right with the world, but there isn't. People will always waste their lives, and there will always be tragedy and pain so long as there is life. It's times like these men of faith turn to their religion and pray, but you've stated several times that you don't swing for that, so all I can say is the Spring always comes, the sun rises that much sooner each day, and there will always be the ones you can save, the times that reported silent baby starts crying or the addict gets clean, all those good things to keep you going.