I know exactly what you've just been through. The one patient who sticks most clearly in my mind was a homeless gentleman we went to in London - the horrific stories he told of his life made it perfectly clear to me why he so desperately wanted to end it all. Eventually he walked off towards the railway - it was in the middle of a major event, so there was nothing we could do for him aside from a kind word and a cup of tea. I think that poor man's words will haunt me for ever.