surely the point is that they (we) are both victims and villians, and generally attributing blame is less helpful than trying to see what can be done to stop bad situations happening in the future. By helping victims we might prevent them becoming villians, by helping villians reform we might prevent the creation of more victims. I know all this is easier said than done - but sure the point is to accept what is and find the best way to move on rather than play the blame game