Although looking after a family member is the ideal, sometimes it is not possible to care for someone in the home. My mum was absolutely committed to looking after her parents (my grandmother lived for 20 years after a horrific stroke which left her paralysed on one side and unable to speak) but when my grandfather's dementia meant he was a danger to himself and violent to her, a care home was the only option. Many of the homes visited seemed to display the same level of "care" often written about in this fine blog, but - after persistence - a decent one was found. People often feel guilty that elderly relatives are being cared for in a home and Ray's comment only exacerbates this when sometimes there really are no alternatives.