I feel for your mum. We have often wondered what on earth we would have done (or, indeed, do) in the face of dementia. Probably the same as her for exactly the same reasons. The guilt wouldn't go away though. I still think about things I could have done better or differently when caring for my mum & she died four years ago. Guilt is a natural reaction for me, your mum & anybody else who cares, but it doesn't change things about care home quality. PR campaigns, training protocols & other forms of beaurocracy won't fix it. A care home is still second best, but the only thing to do in the circumstances. Your grandad at least has somebody who is probably going to be his advocate, doubtless visiting frequently and looking out for him. My sincere regards to your mother.