Both of the times i tried to kill myself, it was full intention of never waking up again. I had many a time been to my doctors with serious concerns about my mental health and had been turned away, told that it would soon pass. I was a regular self harmer who was shoved from one person to the next when it came to seeking help. I had the full support of my family and friends, all of whom where equally concerned about my mental state. Neither of those times did i plan on being found and was possibly more depressed upon waking up than before i popped the cab of the bottle of tablets! Both times i was refered back to the same GP who was utterly convinced this depression would pass (which it did after four years...) On one occasion, after seven stitches from self harming he signed me off work for a week and told me to book a cheap holiday to take my mind off things. Unfortunatly, i didn't take his advice. I found being taken to the hospital after failing to kill yourself utterly gutting. The nurses i have acounted have been less than friendly and there has always been the attitude of "another one?" Both of the times i failed to end my life, i left the hopsital feeling guilty about being able to walk out. Many a time, when requiring stitches, i have been treated so coldly that i would rather take the stiches out myself at home than have to face another frown. I never did get to meet or thank the guys in the ambulance who picked me up and probably had to find me in less than flattering positions. Then again, i never thanked the hard faced nurses who smirked when i asked for pain relief either.