Whilst I can't argue that the disease is terrible, it's not always so grim as the picture you paint here. I worked as a carer for those with dementia and alzheimer's disease for Bupa. The home was clean and tidy, the residents were kept clean and because I worked nights I ended up having lots of time to spend chatting with the residents, and lots of hairy discussions in the morning before breakfast. It was five years ago and I still remember their names. Half the time, I was torn between wanting them to be well, and being glad on their behalf that they were not - the loss of dignity, the lack of family visiting - a care home must be worse for people who are mentally fit. However clean and nicely decorated a care home is, it's still a care home. There will never be enough staff, never enough hours in the day and every shift is a mission to get from beginning to end in one piece. I've been reading your blog for four years. From an outsider's perspective, and from personal experience, SAD + night shifts + emotionally shattering patients = misery. However, I would hope that once elements of that equation are removed - spring is only round the corner, you don't work nights full-time so soon you'll get a bit of normality in your brain chemistry back, and some patients aren't as saddening as these - you'll know you can continue to do this. I'm not a carer anymore. There's not a day that I don't miss it.