Had a debate on Livejournal this week (I know, I know, but I'm too young to know any better) about the use of maternataxies. Choice arguments such as, "But why should I pay £30 for a taxi when I can get an ambulance for free?!" and, "But it's a BABY! I can't get in a TAXI! My god!" were very popular. I have seen many pregnant women spend nine months shrieking, "I'M PREGNANT, I'M NOT ILL!" whenever some hapless chap attempts to open a door or lift a heavy box for them, yet as soon as the alien spawn is about to drop, "Oh my days! There's something IN there! And it wants to come out! Oh, I'm all a dither. Quick, call 999!" Whilst I appreciate the rapidly-approaching appearance of new life is a grand thing, we've been duplicating en masse for thousands of years. There are millions of us. Furthermore, there's a widely understood gestation period, so widely understood in fact that it's been broken down into weeks with accompanying diagrams to both confuse and discourage half the population from ever having sex again. We know the score. Unless there is the need for urgent medical attention, taxis or personal transport should be used. They've got nine months to arrange it, for crying out loud. On calling 999 for a cold... How long before 999 goes the way of the old 192 and splits into various directories? "Hello, you've reached the emergency services! Please choose from the following options so I can help direct you to the right department! If you have chest pain or you're not breathing and/or you could possibly be dead, press 1 now... If you have more than one broken limb, internal bleeding or the plague, press 2 now... If you've had an argument with a toaster in the bath, press 3 now... If you have a wet nose, sore throat or cold feet, please press 4 and hang up, we will call you back as soon as possible... If you are pregnant, please visit www.yell.com, enter your location and search for "taxis", or use your mobile phone contacts list to contact a friend with a vehicle. Thank you for your consideration. Please visit our website for more information and to donate to our services. *Beeeep*..."