Tom, you did a good thing talking to your nursing friend to try and get him some respite... Although my husband was never had dementia, the need for 24/7 care for him during his last years (He died in 2004 after a lengthy bout of renal failure, subsequent dialysis for 9 years, and the eventual complications that eventually took his life.) took its toll on me in many ways:

- I stopped taking care of myself. I gained a lot of weight. - I didn't sleep well at all. I was lucky to get 3-4 hours of contiguous sleep, especially in the last 2 years he was alive. - My own health problems, including asthma, worsened - I didn't exercise AT ALL for around 4 years. With the exception of running around working EMS at a baseball stadium. - Emotionally, I was a wreck. I put on a great face for people around me, but I knew inside how I felt.

The interesting thing was, I *KNEW* that what I was doing to myself was wrong, but I figured I could handle it. BAD IDEA! It took a while after he died for me to really realize the toll it took on me. I have since changed my life in many ways, trying to reverse some of the damage I managed to inflict on myself by not asking for help. When he was hospitalized, I would get some better rest, but never enough to feel whole. And once a year, I got a few days "off", attending a conference. It was never even close to enough. Now, I exercise, I have dropped over 40 pounds (Got more to go, but I am getting there!), I got a gym membership for myself and my kids, which I use! I try to get quality sleep (Still working on that one - the gods of Benadryl sometimes help!), my asthma is under TIGHT control, and I make sure to have fun! Emotionally, I am in great shape now. Yes, I still miss him incredibly, but I have moved on in my life. And I've shown my now adult children that they can, too, which they have. Interestingly enough, I started dreaming again last year (Yeah, it took that long). Wild, crazy dreams at first... including some nasty nightmares. Now they are starting to become what I consider "normal" dreams. (Climbing on soap box) If you know of a friend or family member caring for a loved one 24/7, offer to help them once in a while. Take care of their loved one for respite, help them to arrange to get respite care, take them out for tea, coffee, a movie... talk to them, get them to vent. THEY NEED TO! They may not know or (for those of us with the background) admit it, but the stress of this hurts and kills people everyday. (Climbing off soapbox)