Me, some 20 years ago, trimming beard in front of bathroom mirror. Wife: try these special new hairdresser scissors. Really sharp with rounded ends. Me: (Snip. Snip…) No. 2 son aged 3: (Watching intently, in silence) Runs out of bathroom, into bedroom. Nos. 1 and 2 sons (no. 1 aged 4) watching intently in silence. Me: getting a bit unnerved by this. Feeling that mischief might be afoot. No. 2 son: giggles. Both boys just behind door, whispering. “See, I told you. Dad’s cut his ear off. Me: carries on snipping. Wife: What do you think of the scis… you’d better stop and sort out what’s left of your ear. Then you can mop up the blood. Me: AAARRGGHHHH