I remember planning my suicide I went into different shops buying different drugs (I read somewhere that there were antidotes for medication and I really didn’t want to live so I thought if I use everything they can’t find the antidote to them all) I put all the tablets into Paracetamol tubs so that they thought I had only taken Paraceamol I waited until I was on my own and that I knew I would be alone for a long time. I started downing handful after handful of tablets, I got to the point when I was about to vomit so I went to the bathroom- I didn’t want to be a nuisance and leave a mess to clean up. By this time I estimate that I took approximately 150 tablets, however some of them were capsules- red capsules- and when I vomited it was a pinky-red colour and the thought ‘oh great now I have made my stomach bleed, my ums going to be really disappointed!’ It was at that very moment I realised I had something to live for but I couldn’t see that before. I phoned for an ambulance gave them all false details about me because I was ashamed of what I had done. I am now a student nurse, while training I work as a CSW and as a home carer for different companies, I must admit I have had to have time off work for depression but have never sought medication because I’m not sure how it will affect my career but I now always find something to live for even though it’s hard I know I will make it through...somehow.