Hey, that actually works. I wasn't expecting to be able to finish it, let alone actually enjoy it and wonder where the story was going next. I like the shape your future is; I might not want to live there, but it seems plausible. (Except; why not a battery alarm clock? Or the mobile phone?) I like your 'early adopters' glasses-wearing readers. I like the trains still being crowded and the mention why. I like the dead frog comment. I love the description of your protagonist's job, and I find it utterly believable. At no point was I 'thrown out' of the text by a clumsy bit of writing; I don't think it'd take that much polishing to be presentable, although parts may have to be tidied up once the full story has been told. I am hoping you succeed in telling it, so I can see what happens.